I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
