i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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