My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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