What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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