I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
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