there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize