my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
