first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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