There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Randomize
