My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
