Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
