i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
