What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
