i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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