Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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