I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You've changed since you got that strap on
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
