I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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