Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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