just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
