Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
A bitchslap is in order.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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