if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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