How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
