I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
