I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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