I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
