the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
