she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
