how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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