Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
