I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
