I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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