Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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