Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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