i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
