I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
