I am in a vortex of obligation.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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