Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
