I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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