I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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