I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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