you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Randomize
