Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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