My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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