Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Enjoy the penises
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
