I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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