I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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