I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
