My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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