R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
