I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
