1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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