i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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