apparently the secret to your success is patron
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
