he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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