put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
barbara walters just said penis...
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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