I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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