Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He felt like a one man threesome
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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