walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize