He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
she looked like the before picture.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
