I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
