a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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