i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
