My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
