Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
