Even the bartender felt bad for me
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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