Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
