Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
