She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
