Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
