It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
