I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
