I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
