Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
