So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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