YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
