Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
