He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
