i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
