It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
My liver just broke up with me...
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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