I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
