Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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