i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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