1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
