That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
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