remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
someone owes me an orgasm
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
