Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
