So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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