No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
