no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
