so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
