so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
