I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Sorry about my life...
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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