$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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