Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
