Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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