she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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