I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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