im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
