We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
