I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
