I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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