I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize