Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
im six kinds of drunk right now
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
