do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize