I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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