i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Quick, to the slutcave!
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
